Big Bad Wes

Originally published at Scribd on June 3, 2011

Big Bad Wes
(Spoken to the tune – don’t ask – of “Big Bad John” by Jimmy Dean)

Ev’ry mornin’ on the server, he’d get there late
He stood six foot tall – we didn’t ask his weight
Kinda square at the shoulder and square at the hip
We all look that way, so don’t give no lip to Big Wes

(Big Wes, Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes
(Big Wes)

Huntsville, Alabama is where Wes rolls
He just logs on the server and fills in holes
He always seems to do this, and we don’t know why –
But don’t you ever bug him – just say “Hi!” to Big Wes

We hear him on The Shaft every Sunday or so
And he tells of his Journey when he’s on the show
If others say “poop blocks”, he wishes them dead
And he’s lyin’ when he says he’s just a talkin’ head – Big Wes

(Big Wes, Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes
(Big Wes)

Then came the day in a Shaftlands mine
When a creeper blew and men started cryin’
Players were runnin’ and hearts beat fast
And everybody thought that they’d breathed their last, ‘cept Wes

Through the craters and smoke of that Minecraft hell
Walked a giant of a man that the players knew well
Grabbed a bunch of dirt blocks, let out a groan
And he filled in the holes while they left him alone, Big Wes

(Big Wes, Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes
(Big Wes)

But a great big explosion gave the miners a scare
And someone yelled out, “He’s alone, way down there!”
They wondered if he’d perished in a lowly grave
‘Cause they all knew they were too late to save Big Wes

They all stood around, and they pondered his fate
Then a voice they all knew was calling out, “Wait!”
They gasped as Wes stood in the first light of dawn
But he grinned and he told them, “T.P’d back to spawn.” – Big Wes!

(Big Wes, Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes
(Big Wes)

Now the mouth of that mine has a simple plaque
Small gold words on a surface of black,
Announcing quite simply, without any hype:
“This is dedicated to a man who can type – Big Wes.”

(Big Wes, Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes
(Big Wes)

(Big Wes)
Big Bad Wes

Original lyrics © Jimmy Dean & Roy Acuff 1961
Parody lyrics © Mark A. Cooper 2011

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