Alef's Big Banhammer

Originally published at Scribd on September 6, 2011

Kristal Crow (thecrystalcrow) suggested using this particular Beatles song for a parody, but neither of us knew what I was going to write… though it must be said that Alefnull was always in mind for the hero of the piece, considering his Banhammer on the Minecrap server!

Oh, a pronunciation note: “Alefnull” is pronounced with a long A.

Alef’s Big Banhammer
(“Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” by The Beatles)

Minecraft server woes – this is how the story goes:
Griefers all day long;
They do not belong, but who’ll save us?
Oh, oh, oh, oh…

Admin Alefnull felt he’d had a bellyful,
Takes them all in hand
Tells them they’ll be banned if they do not
Go, oh, oh, oh.

But though they claim they’re ready to go,
They blow some TNT…

Bang! Bang! Alef’s Big Banhammer!
He just types one command;
Clang! Clang! Alef’s Big Banhammer
Made sure that they were banned.

On another day, we have all come out to play
But we’re not alone:
Thieves invade our homes and they raid them –
Oh, oh, oh, oh…

And so everyone finds all their possessions gone
Alef finds the thieves

Tells them they must leave, but they all say
“No, o, o, o..”

But Alef’s got a trick up his sleeve
And he begins to type…

Bang! Bang! Alef’s Big Banhammer!
He just types one command;
Clang! Clang! Alef’s Big Banhammer
Made sure that they were banned.

So the word got out: Do not try to mess about
Or you’ll pay the price
If you don’t be nice, then he’ll ban you!
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

But every now and then, trouble rears its head again
Though it isn’t long
(Oh, it won’t be long)
Before the problem’s gone, ‘cause of Alef…
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

So if you try to ruin the game
There’s nowhere you can hide…

Bang! Bang! Alef’s Big Banhammer!
He’ll just type one command;
Clang! Clang! Alef’s Big Banhammer
And you will soon be banned.

Big Banhammer Ma, a, an.

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